Dealing with Post-Race Blues

If you've raced for any amount of time, you've likely had it happen.

You train your butt off- you swim, bike, and run, putting your heart and soul in to every session. You study the race course, knowing what to do when it's hilly, what nutrition to take and when. You plan it down to every minute detail and know, within reason, what your final time could be. 

Then, race day happens. Maybe you're sick, or it's unbelievably hot outside, or you get a flat tire. Maybe your nutrition falls out of your pocket, or your goggles get kicked off. Something happens and what was supposed to be an amazing accomplishment turns in to, for you, a letdown. It's devastating.

The feeling after this is what I call post-race blues. We, as triathletes, are almost universally Type A go-getters who expect perfection of ourselves at every level. When things go wrong- sometimes when it's even that we didn't get that PR we were hoping for, it can be a huge blow to our egos. We spend weeks or months focusing on our goals and doing everything we can to reach them, and then, when the event is over, that focus is widened to the bigger picture, suddenly, and we're at a loss when the glory we imagined is gone.

I've dealt with this feeling twice so far this season. The most recent was documented with my post on Jack's Generic Tri. The other was after Ironman Texas. Both races left me feeling a bit at a loss for different reasons.

Most acutely, Jack's Generic was crushing to my ego because I KNOW I could have done much better. I know that being ill was a huge contribution to my exhaustion and slow pace. When I saw my results, I walked over to Bryce and I cried. I couldn't help myself- I was embarrassed. Bryce, my friends, anyone could tell me all day long that I'd done awesome and it's OK because of whatever extenuating circumstances, but that didn't matter. I was hurt.

A more complex feeling was after Ironman Texas. It was my very first time and I had no benchmark. I trained incredibly hard and obsessed over the race for 6 months, having stress dreams about backpacks for Pete's sake (that came TRUE!) I knew that, should all go well, I should finish within a respectable 14-14.5hrs. It didn't go well, and I finished in just over 16. When I was done, I puked, and then just felt relief that it was over. But almost immediately I felt conflicted in my celebration. Every time someone asked me how it went, I reacted with, "well, I finished." rather than, "awesome- I finished!" An Ironman finish is a big deal, and yet my pride and the knowledge that it could have been even better robbed me of the feelings of joy I had imagined for so long I would feel.

That feeling of joy that was missing, that's the most devastating part of dealing with race day disappointment. Recently, someone posted in a Facebook group I'm in for women in triathlon about her similar feelings, prompting me to examine my own, and as I explained to her how I dealt with mine, it was obvious this is something that has to be dealt with head on, or I'd risk losing the joy I get from training and racing all together.

It's easy for people on the outside to tell you to suck it up, especially those not involved in the sport who are just excited for you that you accomplished such a feat. Their comments come from a place only of support, because they want you to be as happy for yourself as they are for you.

Here's my first tip- just let yourself be sad. But, give yourself a time limit. Maybe a week, maybe a few days, but let yourself let it out. If you don't, you'll never be able to reach the next step in the process. Let yourself internally (or, to good friends, externally) whine about all the mitigating factors that led to your perceived failure. Let yourself mourn the heart you put in to it for less than the return you expected. 

Then- Take a deep breath, and consciously tell yourself it's time to move on. Let. It. Go. When you start dwelling, make yourself think about something else- what fun thing you're doing that weekend, what your next project is at work. Hell, what you're going to make for dinner that night. Just something else! 

Next- Make a new plan. Whether it's signing up for another goal race, re-focusing on a hobby that you really love, or just planning to enjoy your sport for a while as you re-organize your thoughts, you need to give yourself a new goal to work toward. In the case of the Ironman, I gave myself the goal of doing Ironman Boulder. I'm excited to explore a new city and race on new terrain, and will likely spend some time in the mountains- my ultimate happy place. In the case of Jack's Generic and the Texas Tri Series, I made myself new goals. I have two races left and have focused hard on nailing my bike to run, adding in serious bricks every week that force me to push myself.

Finally- Reflect on the good. Do what everyone else has been pushing you to do since you ended your race. Focus on what went right, and congratulate yourself. Tell yourself that it CAN go better next time, that some things are out of your control, and that you're doing this sport because you love it and it's fun. If you forget that last part, then you might as well quit and take up something else, because there's no use putting your passion in to something that gives you back no joy.

Better luck next time, champs! You'll be fine!

Ironman Texas Training (or, 20 weeks until my birthday!)

        Today began day 1 of week 1 of my training for my very first full 140.6 mile triathlon, Ironman Texas 2015. The race happens to fall on my birthday this year, so there was no way I wasn't making it my first one!

      Training for a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, and 26.2 mile run, as you can imagine, takes a lot of time and dedication. Thankfully, with no kids and a lot of money invested in to this sport already, I have both!
    
       Triathletes can be slight gluttons for both punishment and data overload. There are those who train with heart rate, power, speed, cadence, turnover, and any number of other track-able, recordable data they pick through with fine-toothed combs to glean absolutely every bit of information they possibly can out of it. That works for many people. It doesn't, however, work for me. I like to stick to the basics and gauge improvement based on simpler metrics such as better overall pacing, increased speed and improved recovery based on how I feel. (I do have a heart-rate monitor for indoor bike workouts so I get "credit" for it and can monitor my zones/effort since my trainer is cheap.)

     Enter the Super-Simple Ironman Training Plan. This plan, available free online by Matt Fitzgerald, is purposefully simple and easy to follow. It is 6 days a week, including 3 swims, 3 bikes, and 3 runs a week. The workouts vary in format- interval, tempo, and endurance workouts are mixed throughout. However, an athlete doesn't need the latest and greatest watch (I'll take a 920xt if anyone wants to give me a birthday present, though!) in order to complete the workouts.

Example page- click the link for the full plan!

     I started my plan today! Since it's New Year's Eve this week, I moved a workout to my normal "rest day" and will have to shift things a bit, but again, that's the benefit of using a simple plan. I have a solid base built up from last season, so these first few weeks are lower than what I typically would do.

Marked on the calendar- it's official!

      Despite this, I'm savoring it! I am adjusting to waking up early in the morning to get things done so I'm not whizzing away on the trainer while Bryce is trying to watch TV, or so we can make and eat dinner together in the evenings. I like sleeping in, but I also really like being done when I'm done at work for the day.

        I am getting up at 6am (not too bad!) and doing bikes and runs at home, and swims at Barton Springs.

Not too shabby for a free pool, right? :)

      The Springs aren't that much further to drive from where I work. They're free during the winter and open at 5am, which is perfect. Swimming there is popular with triathletes, because although it's a structured pool with no boats, it's similar to open water since it is a natural spring without lane ropes. Bonus- it's 68 degrees year-round, so swim training for free in the winter is possible without a wetsuit. (I won't lie, I will probably still wear mine. I hate cold water!) Unfortunately, it is just not logistically feasible to make it here 3x a week, so some yardage is just going to have to be sacrificed. However, I am a confident swimmer and am not worried about completion, but rather just concerned with maintaining swim fitness and familiarity in the water. Whenever I can, I also plan on taking Bryce with me to Lake Travis and having him follow me in a kayak while I swim 2 miles. Although this isn't perfectly ideal as far as overall training bulk, I think it suits my needs and current abilities just fine. I may not be the first one out of the water, but I'll be on track to finish in a time I'm happy with and still have gas for the bike and run.

      Training on the bike trainer is pretty boring, but I've got TV shows saved up. I'm considering renting a full season of something from the library so I have something to look forward to and pass the time with. It's tedious to drag my bike and trainer from the office to the living room for TV as well, so hopefully this week I will have a small TV my bestie sent me set up in the office with the Playstation for DVD watching. My very own "pain cave." Not too fancy, but it'll get the job done without waking Bryce and the dogs up every morning! My long rides on Saturdays will easily be outdoors, thankfully, including the Shiner GASP for my 100-mile ride!

       Running, thankfully, is easy to get done in and around Austin! Most mornings, I will probably just take a jaunt down my county road to where it meets the Williamson County Hike and Bike, or drive to Brushy Creek Lake Park and then shower at work (I have a shower at work- yay!) I also am typically pretty motivated to run any time of day when it's only 5-7 miles, so if I bring my things with me and run on the way home, that's OK too. I got a sweet pink head lamp for Christmas that includes a flashing back red light as well. It fits around a hat/visor/my head AND around my bike helmet and is much brighter than my tiny little cap light I was using!

      I also got rid of my Brooks and purchased a pair of Zoot shoes! The Brooks were OK, but when I finished the marathon a few weeks ago, my feet felt like they were broken and they only had 212 miles on them! I wanted a more breathable, triathlon-friendly shoe anyhow with less padding, so I found the Zoots (on clearance!) and am in love so far! The inside feels just like a sock, since they are meant to be worn sockless. They are a one-piece upper with elastic laces, slip on in seconds, and have drain holes on the bottom for excess water! They're kinda ugly, but they're growing on me!

Why the black, Zoot? C'mon!

       Lower on my list than working toward this new goal of 140.6 miles is getting in to what is likely the best shape of my life, simply from the sheer volume of workouts! I always tone up and slim down with marathon training (you burn a bazillion calories on a 20-mile run. It's science) so adding the swimming and biking to that will probably (hopefully!) result in great things. I'll also be less likely to injure myself, since cross-training is the name of the game. I face more chronic issues with pain and tightness when I'm running only vs. triathlon training. Since I want to see the results in the end, I took a "before" selfie this morning in the mirror. (Bryce was still sleeping and the dogs were no help.)

Start: 154lbs, 30in waist, horrible color coordination skills. (Those PINK SHORTS, though! Love!)

      I'll do an "after" as well, and maybe even and "after after" once the race is done, because after 14-15 hours of endurance, there's likely going to be a difference!

        I am really looking forward to this whole process. I've been kind of aimless for a few months, despite marathon training, because running only is boring. I like having a structured plan that pushes me to the limit, but leaves time for me to be with people and do the other things I love. It's December and January in Texas, y'all- that's hunting season! You'd better believe I have my bike in the back of the truck for a ride after a morning in the stand. :)

I have other hobbies besides triathlon- look at my first buck!

        19 weeks and 5 days until it's here. Ironman Texas 2015, and the day I turn 28. If anyone wants to join the campaign to get Mike Reilly to sing me "Happy Birthday," as I cross the finishe line, I won't be mad!

Week 5 and Marble Falls Triathlon

Week 5: Mon- 1,000yd swim, 20 mile bike

               Tue- 1,500yd swim, 4.5 mile run

               Wed- 25 mile bike

               Thu- 1500 yard swim, 4 mile run

               Fri- off

               Sat- 6 mile run

               Sun- 40 miles

Total: 101 miles

Total mileage so far: 459. Equal to driving from Austin through Lubbock to Tulia, TX.

            Since this week I "passed through" Lubbock, I asked my friend Braden, who worked with me under Chuck at the ranch, to share his favorite memory of him. It's added to the "Memories of Chuck" tab above, so please go check it out and learn more about the kind of man he was.

            First and foremost I have to say a special thank-you to my parents and my grandma. Not only did my mom come watch the race on Sunday (She both got up at 4:30am with us to go to the race and made me a sign) but she also brought me a surprise from my dad, who is working in North Dakota right now. They gave me a gift of $500! Then, I got a sweet note of encouragement from my grandma with another donation in it! This took such a burden off my shoulders, because I have been struggling to save the $300 entry fee for the race in October. Now, I'm officially registered! Their support covered my entry fee, and made a great $200 donation to the fundraiser for Chuck, rocketing me closer to the $1,000 by bringing the total raised so far to $375. I'm not sure if my dad has the full idea of what I'm doing in October, but it doesn't matter to him, he just wants to help, and that is what matters most to me.  Love you mom, daddy, and grandma!

          My mom, on the other hand, got a first-hand look at the sport of triathlons this weekend. She got up well before dawn to ride with my boyfriend and I to Marble Falls, TX from our house near Austin so I could participate in the Marble Falls Triathlon (The One With the Hills). We got there and nabbed a great parking spot close to the transition area and unloaded my bike. As I got my things together and picked a spot on the racks, she got a look at the competition- everything from 12 year olds to men and women in their 70s, boasting rigs and outfits of all kinds, some obviously dusted off from the garage, others possibly worth more than my car. 

My mom and I waiting for the sun to come up!

            This race was my first full triathlon. I attempted to do the Athleta Iron Girl race in Austin in June, but ended up completing a duathlon instead because the swim portion was rained out. I have been training hard, and felt good about this race! Things went pretty well, despite some hiccups I'll list below, but I'll say in summary, I feel much more prepared for what's coming in a few months than I did before!

Observations of a first time Olympic Distance Triathlete:

1. Get creative with your transition bag! I think I've said this before, but there is no reason to spend over $100 on an official transition bag, especially if the races you are doing are too hot to require lugging around a wetsuit. I am actually really proud of the idea I came up with on Saturday, and want to share it. Rather than use a backpack, I used a this cooler instead! We have had this thing for a couple of years and use it for the floating the river all the time. It is big enough to hold 24 cans and ice, has an expandable pocket on the top, on the front, and two mesh stretchy pockets on the side. I was able to pack 2 water bottles, my hydration backpack, a third bottle full of a sports drink, a baggie full of PowerGels, my running shoes, my cycling shoes, socks, shin compression sleeve, SpiBelt, Handana, a towel, a sport towel, a headband, my goggles, and my sunglasses all in this pack with room to spare. Therefore, I not only had everything I needed, but everything I needed was niiiiice and cooooooold when I wanted it the most! I am totally sticking with this plan, and I think a few people who saw my setup and got jealous while they sipped their hot water and melty nutrition bars will be copying it.

2. Good rack spots are a hot commodity. I got there early and got a good spot at the end of a pipe section, so my bike was easy to find and my stuff wasn't at risk of being run over. I got set up, and then took my bike to the Sun and Ski Sports tent to see if they could figure out what an obnoxious clicking noise was being caused by. (I finally figured it out myself- loose pedal had some grit in it!) I came back to the spot to grab my helmet, and some guy had already tried to take over! I was nice, and told him hey, is that your super brilliant cooler pack there? No? Then move it, bud. He complied. Even so, I got my bike back as soon as I could.

3. The swim was a lot harder than I thought! I read it over and over before I did it, but thought I'd be fine. I've been a swimmer my whole life, have worked as an open-water lifeguard, and can already do well over the 2,000 yards the 1/2IM is going to require. Didn't matter. As soon as I slipped in to the warm waters of the Colorado River and treaded water waiting for the gun to go off, I knew I was in for it. The current! The murky water! The people! I am slowest at the breast stroke, but as soon as I got about 25 yards, that was the stroke I stuck with because it allowed me to breath and remain steady. I don't think I panicked, but I did get overwhelmed. The biggest issue for me was not being able to see. I could spot when I raised my head to breath, but my face in the water was another story, and my brain didn't like it. Thankfully, I found out that Lake Pflugerville near my house has an open-water swim course set up people can use for free. I am planning from now on to do most of my yards out there to get as used to it as possible. 1,000 yards was a long way in open water, and double that will be even tougher if I'm not prepared. The only other issue during the swim was the sprinters. Right as I got to the halfway-back point, the sprint wave reached it and swarmed me. People do not let you pass, even when they should (probably because they are as panicked as you are!) and they cannot see in the water, just like you can't. Due to this, someone pulled my race chip off my ankle- eek! I was thankfully able to grab it, and stuffed it in my shorts for safekeeping. I made it out of the river alive, and moved on to the next part.

Bryce captured my emotion perfectly- thankful to be on land again!

3. Don't panic if you find yourself alone on the bike ride.  So I didn't have the fastest swim ever, but I was still done in a reasonable time. I had a small moment of panic when I got to the mounting line from transition and realized I never put my chip back on (THANKFULLY I remembered!) but got going on the bike ride with a good number of people. I made great time and got to the split between the sprint and the Olympic course, and then suddenly found myself alone on the road. No other bikes either passing me heading back, or behind me. I took about an hour and a half to complete the 23 mile bike ride (not bad considering my post swim daze) and was by myself and bewildered for at least 45 minutes of the ride. How could I  be that far behind? Did I go the wrong way? Am I somehow behind the cutoff time? I was so worried that when I got back to Transition, I wasted time asking a volunteer if I was the last one on the course. He said no, there were others, but I almost didn't believe him. There were people already packing up and leaving, for goodness sakes! Were they laughing at me? Sheesh, what could have happened? I was confused and distracted enough, that when I got transitioned for the run, I forgot my water bottle and my gel pack, two things I was sorry about later.

4. The run is the hardest and easiest part, all at the same time. When I got on the run course, there were indeed people still racing, and I began to feel better and concentrate. My training has paid off so far, because unlike the race in June, my legs were still feeling fresh and lacked that lead feeling you get from a brick workout sometimes. It was only 4 miles- time to ruuuuu.....and walk. Run, then walk. It needs repeating but it is ok to walk if you need to. I could have run the whole thing, but it felt like a million degrees, I had forgotten nutrition and electrolytes that I really needed, and my power walk was faster. So I put my pride aside, and let myself walk for about a quarter of a mile. Let me tell you- worth it. I felt so much better, got my thoughts and my body collected and together, and finished without feeling death knocking at my door. I may not look it in the picture, but I felt good when I was done!

Looking like a champion, or trying not to fall over? You decide.

4. Not all races are created equally. I got through the finish line at 10:25am, and realized that the awards had already started, when the race info had said they were at 11. I was bummed. I thought I had missed my division and didn't place. Then, to add to my disappointment, there was no finisher's medal. Now, I was not raised in the entitled generation where everyone wins a trophy and there are no losers, but I think endurance sports like this are different. People train and compete to beat themselves- to beat their fears, their insecurities, their old bodies and their old lifestyles. These races are grueling, no matter your skill set, and being able to win is often tied very directly to your total monthly income. I think everyone who finishes deserves a medal, period. Then, to top it off, the meal at the end was pizza. In 90 degree weather. After a 27 mile race. I love pizza, but no. No way. I wanted fruit. I wanted something not greasy. But, those were the breaks. The course was beautiful, at least, and it was a valuable experience.

5. Try hard, and you just might win! Or, in my case, at least place! Although we were bummed and left, it turns out I placed second in my division! THAT meant I should have gotten a medal. I emailed the race director when I found out, and he very kindly got back to me and promised to mail my treasure to me. Yay! Thank you again to the race director for taking the time to send it to me- it meant a lot to me.

It came! I jumped for joy at the mailbox. :)

2nd place in the Athena (women over 150lbs) division! 

6. Celebrate your body! When I signed up for this race, I was a huge mixture of embarrassed and a little mad. I had never heard of the "Athena" class, and wasn't sure what to do about it. Did I have to sign up for it? I hadn't been below 150lbs since, like, 8th grade. Was I really a plus-size triathlete? There is nothing wrong with being "over"-weight, not having the perfect BMI, looking like a supermodel, being thin as a rail, or whatever, as long as you are healthy and taking care of your body.  However, especially since this January when I had lost 20lbs and really toned up, I felt like an athlete, not someone who needed a special class. Unsure if I should or not, I just went ahead and signed up for the division and I'm glad I did. The more I thought about it, the more I could understand. Yes, I felt like an athlete- I have a strong body, flawless (if I do say so myself!) legs that carry me as far as I want to go, and a strong heart- but I was never going to be able to beat out the 100lb girls who are 5'2" (I'm 5'9") and able to zip past me without even creating a breeze, unless I got a serious equipment upgrade. Then, at the race, I will be the first to say that we ladies in the orange swim caps were the ones with the biggest smiles- we worked hard to be there, but we felt a sisterhood and camaraderie that spanned our ages. We were able to "admit" our weight and embrace it, and still race hard and whip butt. I am totally okay with being an "Athena"- Athena was a warrior goddess! She was strong, she was tough! When I let go of my worry and took hold of my connection to the other tall, strong, beautiful women out there, I had a lot more fun. "Real Women" are all women, of every shape, height, and stamina, and I'm totally OK with USAT creating an avenue for women who might otherwise shy away from racing because they may not be able to keep up. We all rock, and there were definitely some boys left in our dust. ;)

7. Always thank your sponsors. I didn't have any for this race, obviously, at least not in the monetary or equipment sense. But, I had a cheering section bigger and brighter than anyone there. My mom and boyfriend made signs, and followed me everywhere, as much as they could near T1, T2, and the finish line. They took pictures, they yelled my name, they rode home in the truck with me and all my stinkyness, and they let me know they were there for me. My mom even hunted down three different volunteers to make triple-sure I wasn't missing out on a finisher's medal somehow. It made a world of difference knowing I had people there willing my legs to keep going, right along with me, and I look forward to them being there in October.

My mom's sign on the left and Bryce's on the right. Oreo is my dog. :)

           That's it for my race report! Keep your eyes out for for the next couple of weeks' posts, because they're going to be good ones. (HINT HINT. If you like free stuff- make sure to follow it!!) I have some goodies, and when I "reach" the Texas state line, anyone following is going to be glad to celebrate with me!