Dealing with Post-Race Blues

If you've raced for any amount of time, you've likely had it happen.

You train your butt off- you swim, bike, and run, putting your heart and soul in to every session. You study the race course, knowing what to do when it's hilly, what nutrition to take and when. You plan it down to every minute detail and know, within reason, what your final time could be. 

Then, race day happens. Maybe you're sick, or it's unbelievably hot outside, or you get a flat tire. Maybe your nutrition falls out of your pocket, or your goggles get kicked off. Something happens and what was supposed to be an amazing accomplishment turns in to, for you, a letdown. It's devastating.

The feeling after this is what I call post-race blues. We, as triathletes, are almost universally Type A go-getters who expect perfection of ourselves at every level. When things go wrong- sometimes when it's even that we didn't get that PR we were hoping for, it can be a huge blow to our egos. We spend weeks or months focusing on our goals and doing everything we can to reach them, and then, when the event is over, that focus is widened to the bigger picture, suddenly, and we're at a loss when the glory we imagined is gone.

I've dealt with this feeling twice so far this season. The most recent was documented with my post on Jack's Generic Tri. The other was after Ironman Texas. Both races left me feeling a bit at a loss for different reasons.

Most acutely, Jack's Generic was crushing to my ego because I KNOW I could have done much better. I know that being ill was a huge contribution to my exhaustion and slow pace. When I saw my results, I walked over to Bryce and I cried. I couldn't help myself- I was embarrassed. Bryce, my friends, anyone could tell me all day long that I'd done awesome and it's OK because of whatever extenuating circumstances, but that didn't matter. I was hurt.

A more complex feeling was after Ironman Texas. It was my very first time and I had no benchmark. I trained incredibly hard and obsessed over the race for 6 months, having stress dreams about backpacks for Pete's sake (that came TRUE!) I knew that, should all go well, I should finish within a respectable 14-14.5hrs. It didn't go well, and I finished in just over 16. When I was done, I puked, and then just felt relief that it was over. But almost immediately I felt conflicted in my celebration. Every time someone asked me how it went, I reacted with, "well, I finished." rather than, "awesome- I finished!" An Ironman finish is a big deal, and yet my pride and the knowledge that it could have been even better robbed me of the feelings of joy I had imagined for so long I would feel.

That feeling of joy that was missing, that's the most devastating part of dealing with race day disappointment. Recently, someone posted in a Facebook group I'm in for women in triathlon about her similar feelings, prompting me to examine my own, and as I explained to her how I dealt with mine, it was obvious this is something that has to be dealt with head on, or I'd risk losing the joy I get from training and racing all together.

It's easy for people on the outside to tell you to suck it up, especially those not involved in the sport who are just excited for you that you accomplished such a feat. Their comments come from a place only of support, because they want you to be as happy for yourself as they are for you.

Here's my first tip- just let yourself be sad. But, give yourself a time limit. Maybe a week, maybe a few days, but let yourself let it out. If you don't, you'll never be able to reach the next step in the process. Let yourself internally (or, to good friends, externally) whine about all the mitigating factors that led to your perceived failure. Let yourself mourn the heart you put in to it for less than the return you expected. 

Then- Take a deep breath, and consciously tell yourself it's time to move on. Let. It. Go. When you start dwelling, make yourself think about something else- what fun thing you're doing that weekend, what your next project is at work. Hell, what you're going to make for dinner that night. Just something else! 

Next- Make a new plan. Whether it's signing up for another goal race, re-focusing on a hobby that you really love, or just planning to enjoy your sport for a while as you re-organize your thoughts, you need to give yourself a new goal to work toward. In the case of the Ironman, I gave myself the goal of doing Ironman Boulder. I'm excited to explore a new city and race on new terrain, and will likely spend some time in the mountains- my ultimate happy place. In the case of Jack's Generic and the Texas Tri Series, I made myself new goals. I have two races left and have focused hard on nailing my bike to run, adding in serious bricks every week that force me to push myself.

Finally- Reflect on the good. Do what everyone else has been pushing you to do since you ended your race. Focus on what went right, and congratulate yourself. Tell yourself that it CAN go better next time, that some things are out of your control, and that you're doing this sport because you love it and it's fun. If you forget that last part, then you might as well quit and take up something else, because there's no use putting your passion in to something that gives you back no joy.

Better luck next time, champs! You'll be fine!

The 5 Stages of Accepting USAT's No-Headphones Rules

         Here we are, exactly ONE month away from Ironman Texas! The "real" has most definitely set in, especially since the bib numbers are out! Next week is "peak week" for training, which means I will be doing all of my longest workouts, including an 100 mile ride and an 18 mile run. So, if next week you see me sleeping standing up or find me extra cranky, just give me a snack and let me be, we're almost to the light at the end of the tunnel! (Bryce, I love you very much. Thank you for sleeping in the other room on early morning wake-ups for me so I don't murder you in your sleep for snoring.)

Follow me on race day!

       Since nerves are setting in for many athletes getting ready for the race, especially first timers, I decided to reflect on just how far I've come as a triathlete. I began this journey three years ago, and still remember all the "newbie" worries I had. One especially struck me yesterday on my 6 mile morning run that made me laugh (and then subsequently choke on a gnat, because they're everywhere on the trail now!)

     I used to be so worried about having to race without music! I thought about it yesterday because it's a question I see come up in forums all the time. "Why can't we race with headphones?" "Does USAT really enforce it?" "What about a small boom box?" Now, I'm not here to dog on training with music, because I totally do most of the time, but I have found that more and more, it's easier to run without music than it used to be, and cycling without music doesn't bother me at all. That has not always been the case for me, or I garuntee for most triathletes out there, so I have come up with:

The 5 Stages of Accepting USAT's No-Headphones Rules

(Just TRY to read this without relating!) 

 1. Denial: The first stage is easy to see. It's the forum questions above, such as "I know I have totally seen people running with headphones at such-and-such race, can't I just be subtle?" I get it- you think you'll be able to just put one headphone in, or that since you're a slower racer, you'll be less scrutinized by race officials. Don't do it! The rules are in place for a reason, and those reasons are safety. Training with music is one thing, but racing with it can cause big problems, especially for volunteers or safety officials trying to give you instructions that may keep you from being hit by a car.

2. Anger: I would also call this stage "Defensiveness." You pose the question online, and tons of more experienced athletes list the safety reasons above (and some get unnecessarily ugly about it, admittedly, which does not help your defensiveness!). You react with, "Whatever, that's totally stupid. Marathoners run with music all the time. I've run a million miles with music and it's no problem! I've totally never been so tired that I zone out to a good tune and swerve too close to traffic/don't hear a car coming/miss a turn/etc." Yes. Road races allow music, and many people run just fine. However, those road racers aren't also cycling up to 112 miles after having swum up to 2.4 miles. Your mind is a different animal on triathlon, and if they make the rule for the race, it's the rule for the whole race, running included. Don't EVEN try to argue with me to say riding a bike with music in a race is safe- it's not. End of story. You make me crash my very expensive bike because you don't hear me shout "On your left!" I will end the race in jail for assault of a dumb person. 

 

3. Bargaining: Ah, this stage is the most interesting. Full disclosure, I most definitely Googled, "clear/see-through wireless headphones" and did the math on how much of the race it'd be worth it to get through before getting a DQ and essentially wasting my race fee. You think, hey, maybe they won't notice me in the middle of the pack. Maybe if I'm super-sneaky I can listen to my music at a low volume and be fine. Maybe I'll just stick my player in my running belt and only pull it out if I need it. Maybe I'll just use my phone as a boom box- that will motivate others as well! Fair enough on the boom box part, but c'mon, now it's just a crutch! Is it worth losing up to $800 in race fees, much less all the time, work, and other funds you've put in to that race? Also, is it worth having an unfair advantage over your competitors who are following the rules.I get it, tunes are a great motivator, especially when you're exhausted, but the rule is there. To be an athlete in this sport is to follow those rules and obtain your victories, large or small, in a fair and equitable way. 

4. Depression: "Man, they're serious about this. How will I EVER do an Ironman without Taylor Swift telling me to shake it off?" Thankfully, this is a short phase, because really, that song is so viral it just bores itself in to your brain so you can call it up whenever you need it. Triathletes are tough, and we love a challenge. Get over it, sugar, and move on to:

5. Acceptance: Ah, we have arrived. You realize that your goals are bigger than your fears or your habits, so you get over it. This is a cross-roads where many people make different choices, but all are OK as long as, come race day, we are all following the rules and keeping ourselves and others as safe as possible. Can you still train with music? Sure, knock yourself out, some days you just need a good beat to get you going. You'll find though, as your experience grows in the sport, that you don't NEED it anymore. It's less of a necessity, a crutch, and more of a "nice to have." That's when you're ready to get. It. Done. Race days, especially at big races, are so energized you won't even notice. The crowds, the fellow athletes, and your own screaming heart and mind, will get you there. If you find yourself flagging remember to just Shake it off, shake it off, shake, shake, shake......(Dammit- see! ANY TIME YOU NEED IT!)   

#50WomenToKona, or, Goodbye (for now!) WTC

     Normally I concentrate this blog on my training and the absolute amazing time I have participating in this sport. Triathlon is amazing. It has changed my life for the better, made ME better, and opened my world to possibilities I never even considered. Before triathlon, I never called myself an athlete, and for sure never thought I'd call myself an Ironman (5 more weeks!)

      Triathlon is also a sport that, in the grand scheme of things, has always been amazingly progressive. As you read when I recapped "Half the Road", cycling is incredibly hostile to women. They are barred from race series, given unequal prize purses, and actively excluded from the sport they work hard for. Triathlon, on the other hand, has always included women at every distance. The pros have seemingly equal exposure and support from major sponsors. It is written in the rules that prizes payouts must be equal and go equally deep, no matter the gender of the athlete. These things and many more are reasons I am so proud to participate in this sport and bring other women along with me.

     However, The World Triathlon Corporation, owners of the "Ironman" branded races, are actively working to be regressive, not progressive, for women in the sport. In recent times, they re-structured the qualifying standards for the World Championships at Kona and most notably, made it so that women were given 35 qualifying spots, while men were given 50. For those that don't follow the sport, this is a huge deal. Kona is the super bowl of triathlon. Pros compete all year to gain points and qualify at regional championships to earn one of these coveted spots, which culminate in sponsor bonuses, incredible exposure, and prestige as an athlete. In short, what the hell, WTC?? What. The. Hell.

   Back in December of 2014, the WTC announces the creation of the Women for Tri board. I was ecstatic. Women have always been welcome in the sport, but as with any hobby or activity that involves this much intense physical work and time dedication, there are social, cultural, and physical barriers that exist for many women, and having a place for them to reach out and support each other in their journeys, and therefore raise the percentage of women participating in the sport, seemed great. Even greater, was the purported mission of the board, which was to advocate for equality in the sport, aiming at gaining 50 spots on the Kona pier. They even wrote an open letter.

   Unfortunately, a good idea is only an idea without action. I joined the Facebook group and have met some fantastic women at all levels who love the sport passionately. I have also heard nothing but radio silence from the board after their letter. It's come off, at least to many of us frothing for action, as a smoke and mirrors move puppeteer-ed by the WTC to placate the ladies in to leaving them alone about their silly bid for parity. I know that's not completely true- I believe that most of the women on the board truly, passionately want to succeed in this mission. However, from the recent resignations, including that of Hillary Biscay, it seems as though fighting from the outside for change might be the better way.

    Enter TriEqual.com. First, go read this excellent primer on exactly how everything went down. It breaks down the changes in the rules, the messed up way the WTC tried to "compromise" with female pros during a meeting in Boulder, and exactly how the group formed. As soon as I heard of them, I sent an email volunteering to help. I may just be an age grouper, but I am so passionate about equality for women, equality in sport, and making triathlon the best sport possible to support, I'm helping in any way I can.

   TriEqual, the people behind the trending tag #50womentokona (they didn't start it, but they helped it spread like wildfire!) and #5Q, are a formidable mix of lawyers, professional triathletes, and industry insiders who know things have to change, and refuse to wait around for the WTC to feel like being accommodating. And I'm not either. The women of this sport are role models, inspirations, and the driving force behind a sport that creates better lives for other women and men from all walks of life. I've never before has sports idols, but now every word out of the mouth of Chrissie Wellington captivates me, playing over in my mind as I power up a hill on my bike or wipe the sweat from my eyes on a run. 

    There are so many smart, articulate, nuanced rebuttals to the reasons given by Andrew Messick, CEO of the WTC. I could go on for pages analyzing, rebuffing, and arguing every one. But women smarter and more in the know than me have already done so. I'll do it short and sweet instead. 

So let's address some of the "reasons" for the lack of progress with the WTC:

Not enough room on the pier. First no. No way. They've increased spots in the past, and currently give 200 Kona slots to celebrities, legecy slots, and even more to lottery winners. There is no way I will ever be convinced that there's not a single square foot of space that can't be spared for 15 more bike. 

If we give women more spots, we have to take them from the men. This is a tale as old as time: when those in charge are being challenged, they divide and conquer. By giving this reason, they pit the male pros (and male age groupers) against the women, weakening the women's cause. Even at the meeting in Boulder, the "poll" they took framed the question differently. Women were asked if they believed they should have equal slots. Men were asked the same, WITH the caveat that it would mean their slots would be reduced. That is manipulation at its finest. I am proud to say that there are plenty of male pros and age groupers see right on through this. I have been so heartened to read the comments on stories published about this controversy and see just as many men as women balking at the WTC for their stubbornness.

 

There is a lower percentage of women's participation in the sport. Ugh. STOP. This is nonsense. First, the qualifying procedure for the pros is completely different than it is for age groupers. For age groupers, slots for Kona are handed out at different Ironman races based on the percentage of each age group and gender participating. It's an imperfect system, sure, but not as egregious because as the number of women in the sport grows, so will our slots. (Except, soon there will be more IM branded races than they have slots to give out for, if, in fact, the space on the pier is so "limited") The pros qualify with points, much like NASCAR, except it's much harder on their bodies. If it was truly "proportional," then the numbers would shift back and forth every year based on the number of pros in each gender. It doesn't, it's just flat inequitable with no change in sight.

Why does this matter so much? I'll tell you why. Because women deserve a fair shot. Because opportunity begets results- when women are given the chance, they exccell. This has been proven over and over since the inception of Title IX. 

Right now, the women have to push themselves harder, compete in more races, and score more points to make it to the big show compared to their male counterparts. There are pro men with less points, slower times, etc. going to the Championship, but #36 in the women's rank is being told no. This matters not only philisophically, but financially. Women are going to make less money in the sport, find the profession less sustainable, and see less exposure and opportunity if they aren't allowed to compete at the highest level. Despite the Challenge Family races growing, Ironman has its self proclaimed "World Championship," and sponsor dollars follow, so even if pros wanted to boycott in protest, they truly cant afford to right now. It's flat unfair.

What can you do? Get involved! Volunteer with TriEqual, email the WTC tweet, Facebook, and Instagram your support, wear a 5Q tattoo at all your races, just SPEAK UP! Personally, I'm doing all of the above, and adding in a refusal to participate in WTC races, and therefore give them my money, until things change. There are dozens of tris in Texas, to keep me going for a while. I'll also be supporting the brands that support the movement!

My fabulous Coeur Tshirt! But it HERE to support the cause!

"Ironman" may be a brand, but it's eponymous. It symbolizes an accomplishment. I'll go in to this more when I cover my tattoo, but suffice to say that Andrew Messick thinks people just won't sign up for anything but WTC races, and he's wrong.  My race in May at Ironman Texas will hopefully be the greatest of my life so far, but it's a victory tainted. I'll keep speaking up, speaking out, and doing what I can until I can be proud, fully, completely proud, to call myself an Ironman.

This has to change, and we won't stop until it does. Come join us!

On a positive note, look at the beautiful flowers on my running route! #Texasforever